Mode's Log

I figured its about time to write down some goals down.

1. Focus and plan my career and finances
2. Implement direct, flash, shock & awe game
3. Throw out crap I don't need away...cut the fat out of my life heh

Before I was hitting my peak...I found myself midst of an LTR. I had to see for myself even though I knew how the dice would roll from the get go. I learned more than I expected. Felt more with my emotions than I anticipated. Now I'm done and realized it was and wasn't what I wanted. I know what I want and which is my freedom, myself and love. I full closed a girl over the weekend, she has a lot of love to give and needs a lot of love herself. It's been a long time I've felt alive like that. The intimacy and the closeness... I want to feel alive as I did before. I'm game.

Something I've realized recently and I've been slacking on. I've been ignoring everything I've learned and I started to suck. Time to stop sucking.

Wow...I'm a changed man, definitely worth it. I wish I could have met Mystery....

To close up this whole situation with HBstreaks...her bf found out about us. Which was a bummer, she was actually a cool girl to hang out with. However, with the ensuing drama in her life and etc..."leave her better than you found her"...it holds true. I'll truly miss her...goodbye babe...

However, HBstreaks bf is a bartender...at a bar I'm a regular at. He told HBstreaks that he threatened to beat me up...so I had to see for myself it was going to happen. I showed up at the bar, I made eye contact with him and tried to acknowledge him but he wouldn't make eye contact with me...pussy.

Apparently her bf told her close friends but didn't tell his co-workers or his buddies...because it would make him look like a tool. So nobody knows...but her close friends...and her friends are cool with me. So I'm at the bar having a good time with my friends and he's at the bar pouting and being pissed off.

After the bar was closing he was standing there right in front of HBstreaks, shielding her from me, and glaring at me...I looked at him and gave him the peace sign as I walked out. You can't touch this PUA :)

-Mode

I fucked up, and her safety is in jeopardy...I wasn't prepared to be shotguned at 3:30am while I was half asleep. I fucked up bad...the only positive to come out of this is that I got a chance to get to know her...I'm sorry... :(

A couple weeks ago I've been having a hard time figuring my emotions. On top of that being in my first MLTR with her I started feeling huge range of emotions I wasn't use to. At times I became very confused. But eventually I figured out somethings a long the way on my own and with some help. And certain things came up every time which made things clearer for me.

I figured something out though every time I was lost. And I began to understand why. I feel its because our thoughts and emotions are not congruent with each other or clearly distinguished. So your thoughts and feelings get mixed up to a point that you're suffering.

I finally sat down and broke down what really worked for me. I call it my WILD emotion list. It's to help you better understand your thoughts and feelings. This may help you sort your logic and emotions so they make more sense during those cloudy times.

-What are my expectations? What are her expectations? Should I have any expectations?
-I will attract other women and vice versa...
-Life or love is an activity, not an emotional state...
-Do I have fun? Does she have fun?

Mode

Damn…I need to get out and do some serious sarging. My mltr HBstreaks has been sketch of late, so I haven’t hung out with her in over a month. I’ve also been complacent with my sarging and not putting an effort in meeting other girls. I totally got lazy and thought I could just chill on HBstreaks for a bit. I need some sort of rotation going on here. Its time to go out and get some. :)

Mode

Today has probably been one of the hardest days...I'm so sad and I don't know why...I feel like I've hit rock bottom. It's almost though I'm sad as I was when I was an AFC...but even worst. Maybe its the stress I've been under lately with school and work. I could break down any moment, but yet I feel like I can't.

I have an MLTR with no strings attached, which is going good as long as I don't have any expectations...I'm worried that I'm getting attached or whatever. Of course she's flakey and etc...but should that matter? I'm not in a serious relationship with her. I have no idea, I'm just rolling with it. I got a #close last night, and a couple HB's I've been keeping warm and working on. But still, I feel so fucking hollow and sad.

It's like I want more, if I can't get more or faster results...I feel like this...shit. This is maybe part of the game that they rarely talk about. Maybe its just part of the heavy roller coaster this brings. Super high ups and super low downs...right I'm on the downside. I'm hurting and I don't know why... :(

Mode

Well...this is very all new to me. Considering HBstreaks is my very first MLTR. She has a bf however continues to see me. I don't know how long its going to last or etc. I'm starting to feel an attachment to her. With all this PU stuff I'm totally aware of all the chemicals in my body that are causing me to feel this way. It's totally insane! The old AFC me would've been pining for her hardcore. But I'm able to deal with these feelings fairly well...so far. Logically everything makes sense but emotionally I feel really weird.

She knows I go out and try to meet other girls. She gives me barrels of one liners and questions about me seeing other girls and etc. But I made my intention clear from the beginning that I'm wasn't looking for an exclusive relationship. Which was good. But I'm worried that I've failed in making her feel special enough to keep her around.

But this is probably the AFC feeling of fear of lost. I just need to kick back and relax. However she does have my favorite watch at the moment, which I accidentally left at her place and she has some of her stuff at my place. I need to get that back...its a sliver digital Casio watch from the 80's...its so sweet.

But to be honest, she's actually a really cool girl to hang out with. Whatever way this relationship ends, we could definitely be platonic friends and hang out. She's that cool of a girl to hang out with. But at the moment I'm dealing with my inner emotions with her. "She's high jacked my brain." However, the good news is...I believe she doesn't know that.

-Mode

So a week after the LMR w/ HBstreaks...it went down like this, it was a Sunday night. The local DJ was spinning his last night, so it was a farewell party at the club also. The place was packed and of course I run into HBstreaks. Her bf was working the bar as usual and I'm talking to HBstreaks and doing take aways. One thing I notice is that her bf gets jealous everytime she talks to me or any other guy for that matter. He doesn't get mad at me because I've completely befriended him and have him disarmed.

So throughout the night continuous flirting ensues and I can tell that it's definitely on. I hear that there is going to be an after party for the DJ that is leaving. Ironically it is at the house of the HBstreaks bf. So at the after party I'm hanging out talking to random people and etc. I see HBstreaks in a bad mood and I notice her bf is pissed at her and staring her down. Eventually I leave the party because I have to get up early for work.

Then I receive a call from HBstreaks at 4:00am. She asks what I'm doing and wants to see me. I put up some resistance but mention I can only hang out for a little bit. I meet up with her and no more LMR :)

Mode

I was out with my buddy who's a natural, but he has a gf now. So we went to this one bar to get last call before they close. And while we were sitting there chatting HBstreaks comes up to me gives me a hug. She gives me tons kino and I flirt with her a bit. I #closed HBstreaks awhile back, she has streaks and highlights in her hair. HBstreaks has a bf and he is bartender at bar I'm a regular at. So I never really pushed to pursue her.

While HBstreaks is talking to me her cute HBbrunette friend comes up to my buddy. Apparently she knows him and is super excited to see him. He quickly #closes HBbrunette, and then HBbrunette invites my buddy and I over her place.

But my buddy ends up bailing on me so he can meet up with his gf. So I end up heading over there alone. I get over there and I could tell HBbrunette is disappointed that my buddy didn't show up. However HBstreaks is excited to see me, and I know its on. So I give her a quick kiss to set the tone.

We all sit there watching tv on the couch and I'm sitting between both girls. So I play some jealously plotline and start paying a lot of attention to HBbrunette. As I'm doing this HBstreaks starts scooting closer to me, giving me tons of kino to get my attention and etc. Eventually HBbrunette gets tired and wants to go to bed. So HBstreaks asks me to give her a ride home.

In my car we make out for bit and then we proceed to drive to her house. After we pull up into her driveway, the making out ensues and she's digging it. This is where I experienced LMR, I tried about every Mystery line I knew. It got her going more but still it was no use. She kept saying it was super late by that time it was 5am. I think maybe I didn't have enough time to properly get her escalated because I had very little isolation time which was only in my car. Or maybe I was pushing to hard for the lay. I definitely going to have to work on some more LMR techniques.

Interesting enough I went to a female friend's small party. The party consisted of mostly girls under 21 and several AFC. So social proofing the whole place and talking to everyone is not a big deal. The AFC guys were no competition at all. So anyways, there's this cute HB I started talking to. Initially when I entered the place I saw her sitting on her bf's lap. I didn't really notice her at first. Until I started interacting with her.

I was doing cocky funny and throwing pebbles and controlling the frame with flying colors. I found out she was from a small town near Kansas. So as things start to escalate with w/ HBKansas her bf was starting to get jealous. He would hover around her and be clingy and needy. Of course I continued on interacting w/ HBKansas with no hesitation.

It even reached a point in the conversation that she even made fun of her bf right in front of him. I should've isolated her somehow. Because I could've easily *closed her that night and probably more. But I couldn't because her bf was hovering around the whole time. Still I could've pulled her away somewhere for a second and made out with her. Because I really wanted to, I mean it was definitely on. However, I settled for the #close. Which was a moral victory for me because I was able to do all this with her boyfriend sitting right there. Next time isolation is very critical.

Mode

Wow, tonight was really fucking tough. My first set I was blown out. And Quilombero came in and hooked it. I opened about 6 sets tonight, about every single one I was blown out except for a couple. One HB I opened at the bar I should have run attraction material on but I'm lacking attraction material. I'm seriously going to have to sit down and work on some DHV routines/stories.

Also I kind of DLV'ed myself talking about my height, which is not a good idea. Because I made it like it bothered me. Which it shouldn't because I should be proud of being short and NOT GIVE A FUCK what others think. :) But I'm going to get some shoes that makes me a little taller to give me that slight edge.

I was talking to a guy, and he told that height doesn't matter. He's right though, I should have the fucking attitude that I'm god. That's another sticking point of mine. I AM GOD! Anyways stop being so reactionary, just be chill and smooth.

Mode

Okay, it's true I've never really believed it but yeah mix sets are pretty easy. I had a very successful mixed set. I went solo for little bit for the first time. I was waiting for some friends to meet me at the bar. So I went in ordered a drink and just at chilled at the bar. To relax and get use to the social pressure of being by yourself. It wasn't too bad, honestly no one really cares or notices you. Because everyone is stuck in their own little world. So you can practically be invisible if you wanted to be. It's just the only thing is the social pressure you are putting on yourself.

However, the set went pretty decent. It was a mixed two-set with a UG, it was definitely really good practice. I need to open more and learn/create more attraction material. I think that's where I'm lacking the most. I can open without a problem, just attraction is where I'm not consistent at.

Mode

Saturday night was pretty fun, my friends' birthday bash was a blast. I drank and got incredibly drunk so I only managed to do one approach. But at the birthday party, we partied with a group of girls I've met before. I made the mistake of not being more aggressive with this one Brazilian girl who got incredibly drunk at the end of the night. We were making hard eye contact early on in the night, but I thought I'd do a freeze out. However, a buddy of mine who started talking to her earlier in the night. I thought I would play it cool for awhile, but that's one of my mistakes I played it cool for too long. By then it was too late, my buddy had already been grinding with her on the dance floor. There's a time to play it a cool but there's a time be aggressive pull her in. More often then not I play it cool instead of being aggressive. I'm going to be more aggressive.

Mode

It's been about a year since I've gotten into the community, somethings have changed. Some of the changes are quite apparent but feels like though things haven't changed fast enough for me. But maybe because I'm impatient and haven't taken the time to step back to analyze all this. However it did take a long time before I did any approaches. I mean I didn't do my first cold approach until six months ago.

My progression has been good but hasn't been great. The expectations I have for myself is not improbable at all. To be where I want to be I'm going to have to do the work to get there. I do need to spend more time out in the field and doing more approaches, because every outing I learn from the previous mistakes. There's also many aspects I feel that I'm missing however I must learn and figure out how to fill those gap. Also there's lots of stuff I want to do like going direct and now is the opportune time to test it out. Sarging solo is top on my list also, its a skill I desire. To go out alone and have fun is something I'd love to do.

Mode

LA was I eye opener, definitely learned a lot about myself that weekend. Anyways I should be going to bed or studying for finals but that this point I don't care. I'm impulsive...I know I can't help it, haha. But talking to Tom Sawyer, has really opened my eyes...I really need to be proficient at point A before I can move on to point B. I truly understand Style about working on a certain aspect of his game before moving on.

This past weekend I got #closes, and while I was out with my AFC friends. First time I opened successfully while out with my AFC friends. I didn't make any excuses like before not to approach. And its true, I should be able to approach and run game with whomever I'm with, shit I could be out with the Dahli Lama and should be able to run game. One thing to work on next is, going out and sarging solo. That will be an experience.

Anyways both of the #closes weren't solid. The first #close had the most potential, because I was already vibing with her even though I didn't get much rapport because of the obstacles who dragged her away. But I got the quick #close while leaving the venue. She was a cute brunette, I should've called her but I didn't. I made the excuse because I had finals and etc. I'm lame, fuck that shit I'm calling them right away the next day before I let any doubts build up. The second #close, I made the mistake of going for #close before I was even in A3. She didn't give me any IOI's yet so that was my mistake. It was either I wasn't DHV enough, or had stories and routines. And also remember, DO NOT USE THIS LINE "You're kind of cute or you're kind of cool"....it does not work...field tested! I thought it would be a cute little neg but not really just kills my game right there. Instead I'll BE MORE DIRECT and use "You're cute or you're cool..." and proceed from there. :)

P.S. one thing I've noticed that is great, I've been successful when I always come with an attitude/energy of higher value. And doesn't mean I should disregard a good DHV routine or story but it helps a lot.

Mode

I'm working on my inner game now...routines are great and stuff. However, I think this is were I'm going to be super solid at. I want killer inner game, the confidence and know how that will help carry me for the rest of my life. It's something I've been lacking all my life, until now. I thought I had killer inner game but I was so wrong! I've never felt confident in myself or anything else. I don't know what's going to happen, but I know my confidence is going to grow. It's definitely has grown since I started this journal. Those early post I had were so full of fake confidence because I thought I was the shit because I read The Game. HA, fuck that I wasn't even close. Anywyas who cares what others think about me, I'm me and that's it. If you got a problem with me, its your problem not mine. I also learned to control my anxiety states, it was unbelievable...I was able to switch out of this crazy anxiety attack and boom PUA mode was on. Even though it was hell and I had to walk out of there for a couple minutes to re-frame the situation. After I calmed the fuck down, I went back in there. But I did it. I couldn't believe what just happened but I managed it. Wow the old me would have never known what to do. I would have probably let my anxiety take over. I must push this further to get the results I want.

I have to say these past couple weeks have been amazing. I've learned a lot from the PUA guys I've met. Tom Sawyer, Metro and Quilombero are awesome guys. It's crazy I met Vision who I use to go to high school with. Anyways, I'm definitely doing more cold approaches now, opening with confidence and holding sets. I'm really getting more comfortable with this. I'm enjoying this and having lots of fun. I finally got my first real *close from an HBmilf on saturday. That was definitely a learning experience and worked hard to game her. I'm learning so much and continue to do so. Every day is a new experience. Game on.

-Mode